I had a conversation with someone recently.
It was said that feelings and emotion are nonexistent, unnecessary, and debilitating. That there is only action. That you cannot simply love someone from afar, but that the only way to make that love true is through a physical representation of it; a phone call, hug, visit, etc.
What followed in my mind can only be compared to throwing moss into an open flame. Anger. Sadness. Fire. Passion.
It is my belief and experience that it is not what we do that is remembered, but the feelings we evoked.
For instance, I don't remember much of the day-to-day or even month-to-month happenings of my very first love as nearly a decade has come between then and now. I don't remember exactly what we did on the weekends or what movies we saw. But I do remember feeling a weightlessness in my soul, carried by new love, bubbling, fluttering, blushing, bursting at the seams. And then I remember the heartbreak, the feeling of utter destruction, the devastation of deception, darkness.
You see, emotion is the pulse of our being. It is derived from our consciousness and our connection with all living beings. Our human experience is all about those that hold our hearts, and riding the waves of a broken one. If you've ever owned a dog, you know the power of feeling. If you are sad, your companion offers extra cuddles. If you are angry because they tore a hole in your favorite pillow, they cower and their head hangs low. That is not because of an action. That is because your aura, your person is emitting a frequency that carries information, that displays your present state in the form of energy. It can be light and bright and jubilant or it can be dark and low and painful.
We are like conscious, walking satellites, emitting energy or signals and absorbing the frequencies of those we choose to surround ourselves with. Likened to the proven notion that you are what you eat, if you continuously absorb hate, jealousy, ignorance, negativity, judgement, and narcissism, you will eventually embody and emit those emotions, those feelings.
Actions and spoken words fade. They become fuzzy overtime. Sentences break down to key words and eventually even the key words crumble into dust; and what is left is the message written on our hearts and souls.
Unless injury occurs, we are incapable of forgetting how we felt at a particular moment in time. It's embedded into who we are. Whether it's a shutter of embarrassment, or a smile of remembrance, you know the feeling.
What a potent reminder to teach Fallon to follow how she FEELS.. Because, as Clarissa Pinkola Estes writes in Women Who Run With The Wolves, "There is no greater blessing a mother can give her daughter than a reliable sense of the veracity of her own intuition."
I will teach her that life will not cease in crossing paths with those who test your true self. Sinister, dark forces will always lurk in the shadows, coiled and ready to strike at moments in which our guard is down and passion is high. Those whose sole purpose is belittlement and backing you into corners of imperfection and insignificance. Those that hide behind bibles, beliefs, and other masks of avoidance, slinging rocks and pointing fingers, claiming that they're simply obeying the instructions of their "all-forgiving" god.
The God we honor is LOVE, the first feeling to ripple through the hearts of human beings. Our deity has a water-like fluidity, taking various shapes, giving life, and all the while, ever so gracefully, carving into hardened hearts, like water smoothes the rough surface of stone. Our lord is soft in approach and forthright in acceptance. The One we honor, lives within each and every one of us and we know so because of our capacity to feel.